Writing from professional and personal experience, the authors posit nine components necessary to ensure a happy and long-lasting marriage relationship, such as “Establishing Cherishing Attitudes,” “Guarding Home Harmony,” and “Developing Genuine Friendship.” His & Hers follow ups at the end of each chapter help spouses understand each other and apply the principles learned. 

I was especially intrigued by Chapter 6, “Valuing Physical Attraction.” I’ve read many books and articles where appearance is stressed and wives are advised to keep their bodies attractive. The authors of THE NECESSARY NINE have a different, more realistic, view. They admit that “appearances change, and youthfulness fades” and that it is “unrealistic and unfair to assume that attraction between spouses happens spontaneously.” Stating that remaining attracted to a spouse is a choice, they offer helpful suggestions for keeping attracted to a spouse. . . and avoiding attractions to others. 

I also appreciated the section on friendship and its three elements: effort, depth, and support. I plan to apply the six steps offered to improve my listening skills. 

This book would make a wonderful wedding gift. It would also be a good resource for premarital counselors. It is well written in a style that is not pompous or pedantic. True-to-life, and sometimes humorous, anecdotes hold interest and offer examples. Seaborn and Newhouse are associated with Winning At Home, Inc., an organization that produces media resources and hosts events to develop marriages and families. Velthouse is a seminar speaker and author of Saving My First Kiss.

January 9, 2008