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The 1970 novel Love Story, and movie of the same name, had a line of dialogue that promulgated the false notion that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Yet apologies are crucial to healthy relationships. Coauthored by two marital therapists, THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF APOLOGY is based on the premise that “Good relationships are always marked by a willingness to apologize, forgive, and reconcile” (Chapter One, p. 22).
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What one person considers a sincere apology may not be received that way by someone with a different “apology language.” According to Chapman and Thomas, The Five Languages of Apology are:
Expressing regret, “I am sorry.”
Accepting responsibility, “I was wrong.”
Making restitution, “What can I do to make it right?”
Genuinely repenting, “I’ll try not to do that again.”
Requesting forgiveness, “Will you please forgive me?”
By recognizing one’s own primary apology language and those of others, relationships within the family and the workplace can only be improved. The authors include chapters on apologizing in dating relationships and teaching your child to apologize. Most helpful to me was the chapter “Apologizing to Yourself.”
The book is divided into two parts: the first half describes each of the five languages of apology; the second half shows how to apply the concept to relationships. Sidebars and frequent subheadings make for easy reading. A study guide and an apology language profile (20 questions) are included to help the reader determine apology language(s).
In the introduction, the authors state, “It is our desire that as you read the book, you will hear one voice and two hearts beating together in an effort to communicate a message that we both believe has great potential for enhancing relationships.” I believe they have certainly accomplished this goal.
Reviewed by Marie DisBrow
for The Road to Romance
April 2, 2007
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